Roleplay.. Players Say and Do the funniest things…. WOULD A WITCH DO THIS!!!!


Well i think the tile of this article says it all. I have decided to recount some of the best bits of roleplaying games i have run, or played in over the years, as a series of articles on the blog, something I have been toying with for a while.

Wether they are funny, amazing, silly or just down right inspired comments, clever plans and things that work out just through the dumbest of luck.

Prepare yourself for some of the greatest moments I have ever had the pleasure, or misfortune to be involved in.

I am going to kick off with one of the best on the spot thinking from a DM i have seen in a long time, and for once it wasnt me running the game!

It only happened a week ago, and its so funny i am still chuckling away to myself as i write this right now.

We have been playing in a Dark heresy campaign for about a month and a half, we have some great players in it, yes even Sid is a good player when he concentrates 🙂

Craven is the GM, and we have a strange little group of player characters. Myself and Sid are playing Arbites, Marcus is playing an Assassin, Mark a Tech Priest and Glen is our slightly odd, eunuch Psyker.


The game has had some amazing moments, from being chased by a massive Orgyn combat servitor, to hosing the caged controller of the tech facility with an autogun clip full of man stopper rounds to shut him up, to the Tech Priest, frantically trying to get the shuttle flying as we have less than a minute to escape the self destructing factory.


Anyway none of those are the things I want to talk about today. Today I am going to talk to you about something completely different.


Our little cadre of agents had been instructed to go to a feudal world, that is ensconced in a civil war and investigate some strange deaths.


We where instructed not to join sides or affect the outcome at all, and under the very thin guise of a mercenary cell looking to be hired by one of the waring factions, we did what every great adventuring party does,no matter what time setting or technological level the game is set in, its always your friendly neighbourhood bartender that can furnish you with all the information you need!


After a few drinks and a bit of friendly chat with the barkeep, suddenly some old coddger in the bar stands up and points to us and shouts in his best monty python esq voice…”He's a Witch”


Not sure which one of of our odd companions he staling about, we kind of look on a bit bemused as the whole bar files in to a big circle around us, jeering and chanting about killing the witch.


Now my character isn’t the most subtle of fellows, and having just acquired him self a nice shiny heavy stubber (thats a huge belt fed machine gun for those of you not versed in the Warhammer 40K universe) so he unslung it and hit the loading slider heavly so it made a meancing “Click” sound as the ammo feed was loaded.


This seemed to deter a few of the local, but some of them decided to pull out their pistols and cock them whilst pointing them in our general direction.


This you might not think is to much of an issue, but my character Brutus, has absolutely no training in heavy weapons and probably wouldn’t hit the side of a barn with this thing.


The bluff had failed and actually only made a bad situation worse…


Glen decided now would be the time to act and drew his massive double headed axe screaming:  "Would a which do this?" whilst slamming his axe in to the nearest table in an attempt to make out he was in fact just some kind of mental fighter rather than a mental psyker.


He made his intimidate roll… and got 100 on a D100… the worst sort of failure you can possibly get. So he uses a fate point to re-roll it and rolled an 89.


Now normally this would just be a fail, but in the rules for the game if you roll a 9 when you are casting a psychic power you attract the perils of the warp, and something goes wrong.


Craven decided now would be a good time to ad lib the rules.  He ruled that because Glen was under a lot of stress, and had rolled a 9 on his dice roll, he would trigger a perils of the warp as Glen's mind unleashed its potential.


Suddenly for all of the characters, the contents of the bar, the furniture and the ring of people shouting "Witch" at us, floated 10 meters in to the air, and slammed back down on the floor.  Only Glen himself was left unaffected by the carnage.


Instead of proving he wasn’t a witch, Glen had confirmed spectacularly that he was indeed one!  With that in mind, while the rest of the bar was picking itself up of the floor and trying to figure out what was happening, the party made a hasty retreat out of the bar.


Now had Craven not chosen to ad lib the rules, we would have missed out on one o fthe most amazing bits of story crafting and roleplay I have witnessed in along time.


Sometimes its good to bend the rules a bit and as we all know its the GM's perogative to do as he sees fit with the rules.

All I can say is well done Craven, well done indeed sir!


Look for the next post in the series, when I recount the story of the stairs…..




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